Clarity

The last five days have been very busy not only with work but with things in my head also. We all know now about BD and the carrot that has been dangled in front of me on some occasions, being blind I reached for it, now things have become so very crystal clear and there will not be a relapse.
It is funny how you can get caught up on things and see things that are really not there, as a wise person once said to me, There are three sides to a story, yours, theirs and the truth. I found the middle ground, I found the truth, It is eye opening and reality gripping, makes you sit back and think what reality was I in at the time?
Back here in the real world where I belong, where I have control over the things controllable I realized that daydreaming and wishful thinking is not for me. I need to step back and not see things from only my point of view, I need to stand outside, Yes I need to stand on the outside looking in, taking a look at the big picture and not the sections that appeal to me as it can be dangerous and blinding, delusional even.
Sometimes you can not see that any amount of work will not to get you through the door, totally oblivious, irrational thoughts, mindless moments, reckless reactions feelings the illusion of lust, the impression of passion then the reflection it was all insanity, make believe, one sided.
Seeing things clear-cut, not in a haze, things being clarified, many things, everything.
Lets boil this down apprehensible truths.